


Let Us Feel

by WoorEnergy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Healthy Relationships, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Non-Binary Patton Sanders, Other, Talking, i warn you anyway, idk if it could trigger people since it's quick, mention of psychiatry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-12 22:17:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16880277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoorEnergy/pseuds/WoorEnergy
Summary: Roman comes back from an audition, and it seems to Patton that it went pretty well for him. The last thing Patton thought about when they celebrate Roman's victory was to fuse with him, and well, they did anyway.They and Roman had a lot to discuss to understand what just happened, and what they truly wanted from each other.





	Let Us Feel

**Author's Note:**

> do I write too much about fusion ??? probably  
> do I need to sleep ? hell yeah  
> will I stop anyway ?? l to the o to the l
> 
> thanks again to my dear friend who read this before I posted it. Their opinion filled my weak little heart with bravery and pride I swear  
> anyway enjoy

Patton sat at the table in the kitchen, their books and papers sprawled on it as they absently bite the tip of their pen. Their brain was desperately trying to make sense of the sentences before their eyes, but it was a bit hard to focus today- if not impossible. They kind of knew why, but they guessed it was just the way they behaved for the most part ? They weren't known to be someone very attentive to whatever they were doing, after all.  
As they sighed in defeat, Patton put their pen down and stood up from the chair. They heard a door slamming upstairs, and soon, slow footsteps came closer to them.

"Yo Pat." Virgil yawned as he immediately made his way to the fridge, his phone in one hand. "Whatcha doing here so early ?"

"Oh, hey." Patton mumbled, taking a can of soda as well in the fridge. "Well, I woke up around four a.m and I couldn't go back to sleep, so I cleaned the apartment and stuff to keep me busy."

"Yeah I saw that, the place has never been so tidy before. You should take a nap though."

"I can't," they admitted as they lightly bit their bottom lip, "I'm too nervous to sleep right now."

Virgil cocked an eyebrow ; sitting on the counter, he put down the piece of chocolate he was eating -as well for his phone since he was scrolling through Tumblr- and crossed his arms against his chest. Had he slept with his make-up, or had he slept at all last night ?

"What's the problem ?"

"Ugh... That's certainly unimportant. Forget-"

"Pat, we talked about this with Picani," Virgil interrupted, his voice still firm despite the obvious lack of sleep, "your feelings matter and can't be bottled up forever. You do know you can open up to me if you need to, right ?"

Patton nodded, then sat back on the chair as they put their soda on the table ; their fingers automatically started to fiddle with the bottom of their polo. Virgil just looked at them patiently until they were ready to say what was on their mind.

"I..." Patton began.

"Yes ?"

"I'm worried for Roman !" They suddenly shouted, running their hands through their hair. "I-I know he'll do great at that audition, he's always fantastic, and I'll be proud of him even if he fails, but I still... I still can't help but be nervous for him. Why am I so weird ? What's wrong with me ?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, dumbass." Virgil jumped off of the counter, then sat in front of his friend. He gently put his hand over Patton's as soon as the other nodded to allow the contact, then rubbed his thumb over their skin. "It's okay to feel this way, but I agree with you ; Roman will do amazing, and perhaps he'll even get that role. We'll be here anyway to comfort him if he doesn't. Stop stressing yourself so much. Besides..." Virgil met Patton's eyes and couldn't help but add something. "It's only natural for you to be worried about your crush, isn't it ?"

Both of them giggled, especially Patton who felt their cheeks burning at the thought of their sweet but hidden crush. They and Roman had known each other for years, and considered themselves as best friends now. But Patton wanted more than that, and deep down, they felt horrible for this. Virgil explained to them several times that their feelings were legitimate ; not always understandable, but legitimate.  
The anxious boy just wondered how Roman never noticed Patton's clumsy flirting, mostly consisting in puns and shy compliments.

"Thank you for trusting me with this anyway."

"Thank _you_ Virgil," Patton brightly smiled as they squeezed his hand harder, "you really helped me out."

"No problem. I'm here if you need anything, alright ?"

As soon as Virgil stood up, grabbing his chocolate and making his way to his room, he's been interrupted by someone bursting through the front door.

"Guess who nailed the audition, fuckers !" A voice yelled from the entrance.

"Roman !"

Patton ran to the front door and met with a strong pair of arms wrapping around their waist, easily lifting them up from the floor. They would've scolded their friend for cursing in any other context, but happiness and relief came first as they hugged Roman back, their arms tightening around his shoulders.

"You did it ! I told you you could do it !" Patton laughed, burying their face into the crook of Roman's neck.

"Thank you for your support, dearest !" Roman let go off of Patton and cupped their face in his hands. "They've been totally amazed by my performance, I hope I'll be chosen for the role !"

"I know you will !"

"Ugh. It's cool for you Ro, really, but I'm going back upstairs. You two are so cute, it's making me sick."

"Whatever you say, Mister I'm-Allergic-To-Happiness."

Virgil rolled his eyes and grumbled something Patton and Roman couldn't catch, but _oh god,_ they couldn't care less. Roman nailed the audition ! He didn't panic nor stutter, and the jury even liked him !  
Roman went to the livingroom where he threw his bag as he hummed happily and bounced on his feet.

"I can't believe it's already over !" He said, almost singing. "It was incredible !"

"And I'm so proud of what you've accomplished !" Patton added.

"You know, I don't care if I already said it," Roman turned around to face his friend as he gently took their hands in his, "but I'm not the only one to praise. Thanks again for your undying support and patience, Patton. I've been feeling really anxious lately, and you never gave up on me until you saw a smile on my face ! You can't possibly know how much I needed this."

Patton could have melted at the other's gaze full of gratefulness and imitated the pleased grin plastered on his face. "No problem ! You know you can always count on your best buddy !"

Roman chuckled and hugged his friend again ; he closed his arms around their shoulders while Patton put their own hands on his back, slightly tugging at the jacket he forgot to take off. Facing the kitchen, Roman suddenly noticed the amount of books on the table and frowned.

"Were you working when I came back ?" He asked with a frown.

"Uh, yes, but I wasn't very focused anyway- don't look at me like that, you didn't bother me, I promise."

As if they tried to convince their friend, Patton grabbed Roman's hand again and spinned him around. They got into the habit of being physically close to each other, to the point that they wouldn't notice if they held each other's hand, or cuddled while watching a movie. At least Roman wouldn't notice, Patton thought, but themself  _did_ notice different things recently ; they felt every little contact they had, every eye contact they exchanged, every laugh they shared. Perhaps it was a bit weird, even unhealthy, but they couldn't help it.

"We should move, we're in the middle of the livingroom !" Roman laughed, but entertwined his fingers with Patton's anyway.

"Or we could stay here and celebrate your achievement, don't you think ?"

"You're impossible, Pat !"

Patton giggled and never let go off Roman, moving both of their hands on his shoulders. They squeaked a bit when their crush lifted them up from the floor a second time, holding them by their hips effortlessly.  
As they danced and laughed together, something eventually happened ; a sweet glow came from both of their chests and filled the whole room. Neither of them cared or even noticed- what was the point ? They were having their moment, and nothing was going to ruin that... they thought.

The glow became brighter, and their shapes were barely perceptible for a few seconds ; well, it was until it started to grow bigger and bigger, almost twice their size. Finally, the glow disappeared, and they stood here, in the middle of the livingroom, eyes closed. Roman's jacket and Patton's cardigan were discarded onto the floor, as if they both took it off before... _this_ happened.

Before they stood _alone._ There was only on person now, and this realization was like a punch in the guts.

"Uh... P-Patton ? Roman ?" The person mumbled, confused as they started to look around them. "Where are we...?"

"Yo guys, have you seen my phone ?" Virgil shouted, coming downstairs. "I can't find it, I think I left it in-"

As soon as the anxious boy saw the tall, unknown person standing in front of him, wide-eyed and shaking like a leaf, he screeched and took a step back. "Who the _hell_ are you !?"

"Virgil ? It's us !" The stranger said with a broken voice- a voice that didn't sound familiar to them. "Pat ! and Roman !"

"Wha- you guys fused !?"

"Please help me Virgil, I-I don't know what's going on !"

For some reason, Virgil could tell who was talking between the two of them- it was Patton this time, and it just broke his heart to hear his friend in such a distress. He took a step ahead, careful not to scare the new fusion who tried their best not to cry.

"Okay, just- just breathe, and don't panic, okay ?" How ironic of him to say that.

"What am I gonna do now !? Will I stay like this forever !?" The "Roman side" chocked as the fusion fell on their knees and hugged themself with their first pair of arms.

"No, you don't have to-"

"Then what am I supposed to do !? I can't- I can't handle this !"

"Yes you can-"

"I can't !" They repeated louder. "I can't ! It's too much ! I feel too much !"

Before Virgil could try anything to calm them down, the glow dazzled him, and the fusion groaned before Roman and Patton separated and fell on the floor, finally free from each other.

"Guys, are you okay ?" Virgil asked, but he already knew the answer when none of them responded.

Roman was hugging his knees, sitting against the wall and breathing heavily as Patton just ran away upstairs ; the door they slammed behind them echoed so loud it made Virgil shiver. He felt a rush of panic through his body, but forced himself to keep his composure ; someone needed him more than he did.

"Hey." he approached Roman and sat in front of him. "Roman, please look at me."

Roman lifted his head a bit, and Virgil could now see the thick tears rolling down his cheeks ; a heavy knock formed in his stomach at this sight. He softly asked if he could touch him, and Roman nodded as he finally looked away.

"Do you want to tell me what happened ?" Virgil asked while he gently stroked Roman's hair.

"What do you wanna know ? How bad I screwed my friendship with Patton ? How much they must hate me right now ? How pathetic and worthless I feel ?"

Virgil wasn't used to such a cynical, bitter tone from his dramatic friend and just frowned before sitting next to him, putting his head against his shoulder.

"I'm sure they're not mad at you."

"You don't know this ! I-I've felt what they felt. It was too much, we were not ready for that... _I_ wasn't ready for that." Roman snuggled against Virgil's side and let out a mix between a sigh and a sob. "I'm... scared. Do you think they'll ever talk to me again ?"

"Of course they will. Patton loves you so much, there's no way they'll avoid you on purpose. Just... Just give them time, you both need it." Roman didn't answer. "I don't want to leave Patton alone for too long. I'll grab my phone to call Logan, is that okay for you ?"

When Roman nodded, his friend stood up from the floor and looked around the kitchen to find his phone he left on the counter a while ago.

* * *

Logan came back from the library as fast as he could when Virgil explained the whole situation- well, at least for the most part. Some things were still missing for him, but Logan knew enough both about fusion and Patton to comfort them upstairs. In the meantime, Virgil sticked around with Roman, letting him sit on the couch until he eventually fell asleep on his shoulder after long minutes of ranting and uncontrollable sobbing. His cheeks were still red and wet.

As Virgil scrolled through Twitter, running his free hand through Roman's hair again, Logan came downstairs and rubbed the back of his neck.

"We should let Patton alone for a while, they cried themself to sleep anyway."

"So did he." Virgil answered with a nod to the sleeping man next to him.

"Dear god, those two are so hard to understand sometimes." Logan sat at the opposite of Roman to let him sleep peacefully. "So... they fused so early ? I thought it would take them a while to figure their relationship out."

"They didn't yet. If I'm not mistaken, they fused by accident in the first place, and they both freaked out. So, uh, they didn't really have time to discuss their feelings and shit."

"I see." Logan took a look at the man still asleep on Virgil's shoulder and frowned a bit. "Are you okay ?"

Virgil let out a noise Logan couldn't really decipher. "I guess so ? I was about to panic earlier, but..."

"But you didn't. You kept compagny to Roman, and you called me for assistance. You should be proud of you."

Virgil stayed silent and just continued to pat Roman's hair, considering Logan's words.

"They're gonna need time to fix this mess." He finally said.

Logan nodded in agreement, but he was pretty sure the next days were going to be awkward for the four of them.

* * *

The big talk came sooner that all of them expected. Virgil and Logan didn't say anything to each other nor to Patton or Roman, but worry were consuming both of them at the simple thought of their friends stopping all interactions altogether, even though they deeply cared about each other. However, three days later, Roman was knocking at the door of Patton's room, nervously fidgeting his fingers. His chest tightened when Patton opened the door, and their friend put on a fake, exhausted smile.  
Roman hated this smile more than anything, it made him sick to see his best friend pretending to be fine all day. But on the other hand, he wanted to hug Patton and never let them go when he saw it. Fortunately, Dr. Picani had been able to see through this little trick a while before all of them.

"Did you need anything, Roman ?" Patton asked, their voice barely above a whisper.

"You know why I'm here. Please- can I come in ? I promise I won't cause you any trouble this time."

Patton opened their mouth to say something, but stopped themself as they took a step back to let their friend enter the room. Roman had slept, laughed and sang in this room plenty of times, it usually felt like another home to him, so he naturally sat at the edge of the bed like he always did while Patton closed the door behind them- just for a bit of privacy.

"Listen, I'm sorry I made you upset-"

"You didn't !" Patton gasped, interrupting their friend as they turned around. "I wasn't upset, I promise ! Why would you think that ?"

"Patton- please, can we listen to each other ? I have so many things to say to you, and I'm sure you have too. Just... listen to me."

They slammed a hand against their mouth but shyly nodded, finally joining their friend on the bed. They stayed silent for a few seconds, and Roman started to talk again to break the tension in the room.

"As I was saying, I'm sorry if I made you up- _uncomfortable_ in any way. You know, I didn't mean to... Um..."

"To fuse with me ?"

"Yeah... and, uh, I know it wasn't a good experience for us. Like, it felt so right at first, I have no idea why I suddenly started to panic when Virgil came and saw us... Maybe that was because I felt too many things at once, I don't know." Roman coughed nervously. "So, I just wanted to apologize to you. I know I hurt you, and I hate myself so much for that."

"Please, don't," Patton put a hand over Roman's who met their eyes. "I know you didn't want to hurt me. I know you didn't fuse with me on purpose. None of this was your fault."

"It wasn't yours either."

Patton shrugged and unconsciously squeezed Roman's hand harder in their, as if they wanted to find the courage to express themself.

"We're both innocent anyway- or both guilty depending on the point of view," Patton weakly smiled at Roman's chuckle, "but what happens now ?"

"What do you want to happen ?"

Patton bit their bottom lip. "I don't know anymore. I'm still scared of fusion, it was so weird, and- and confusing, and exciting at the same time. I want to try it again so badly ! Do you see my point ?"

For a moment, they locked eyes and started grinning at each other like idiots, then suddenly looked away.

"I'd like to try that again too. But not now," Roman quickly added, with assurance in his voice this time, "I'm not ready."

"Don't worry, me neither. It's... too soon."

"Oh, dear, what a relief. Can we- Can we hug, please ?"

Patton giggled and almost threw themself at Roman, wrapping their arms around his neck. Roman hugged them back as well. It felt so good to have them back, even just after three days. It didn't seem so long, and yet it felt terrible to isolate himself from his best friend.

"I'm so glad we figured this out." Patton whispered against Roman's ear. "I'm sorry if I messed up at one point."

"You never, and will never mess anything up, Pat. You're perfect. You're so, _so_ perfect."

Patton moved themself back to look at their crush, then left a peck on his cheek, so quick and sweet it barely brushed Roman's skin ; yet the young man felt his entire face burning.

"Next time, it will be our decision. I don't want this to be an accident ever again." Patton smiled- a real, genuine smile.

"And I'll make sure it won't."

* * *

"Virgil, can you please sit like a decent human being for once ?"

Virgil, curling into a ball onto the couch, sticked his tongue out to Logan. "Nah. I'm gay, I can't sit properly."

"What's the connection between the way you sit and your homosexuality ?"

"...Man, you really need to stop hanging out with straight people."

As Logan was about to argue again, still confused about Virgil's statement, Roman and Patton came into the livingroom, holding each other's hand- something that Virgil didn't miss to notice. He just smirked at his friends but didn't say anything.

"Guys, Patton and I have something to show you-"

"Well, _someone_." Patton corrected with a chuckle.

"Really ?" Logan shared a knowing grin with Virgil. "Who is it ?"

"Well... They're someone very special to us, and we want you to meet them. Patton ?"

Patton turned around to face Roman and took his other hand in their. They looked and each other, almost forgetting the reason they were in the livingroom or that they had an audience watching them. Patton carefully approached their friend, then pressed their lips against his for a sweet kiss. It wasn't their first kiss- they shared plenty of them for the past few days, away from prying eyes, and yet Patton could feel their head spinning and their heart fluttering at the innocent contact. Their relationship recently became clearer than it was weeks ago.

As Virgil was about to let out a disgusted "gross", a warm glow filled the room and dazzled the two men sitting on the couch. Well, it didn't last long ; as soon as they both reopened their eyes, they met an almost-stranger standing in the middle of the livingroom. Virgil obviously recognized Patton and Roman's fusion from the last time he saw them -around less than a month, he believed ?-, and yet they seemed so different. The fusion he met for the first time was an anxious, unstable mess crying on the floor. Now they seemed calm and confident.

"Um, hey," the fusion greeted, waving their hand, "you still know who I am, right ?"

The two persons on the couch looked at each other for a moment.

"Of course. Are you both sure, um- this fusion is good for you this time ? For real ?" Logan eventually asked, a bit of nervousness in his voice.

"Don't worry, Logan. Pat and Ro thought about it from every angle. Last time was an accident, but not today."

Virgil suddenly stood up from the couch, heading towards the fusion and wrapped his arms around their waist. They didn't really know how to react at first as they just blinked, then they squeezed Virgil against them so hard they could've crushed his bones. He looked ridiculously small compared to them, especially hidden between their four arms.

"Which pronouns do you prefer ?" Virgil asked while he tried to catch his breath.

The fusion tilted their head, considering the question, then answered. "I'll be fine with "they" and "them", thank you for asking."

Virgil nodded, whispering to them how proud he was, just to be sure no one else could hear that, then left the place to go to his room. Logan stayed on the couch, apparently lost in his own thoughts. His finger tapped his chin, and his eyebrows knitted together.

"Is there a problem, kiddo ?" The fusion asked as they approached their friend.

"Hm ? No, don't worry. I'm still trying to get used to this whole... fusion thing. I hate to admit it, but I only know the theorical aspect of this. I guess it will come with time." Logan spoke up again before the other could ask him anything else. "Do you have any name or nickname I and Virgil could use to interact with you ?"

"Oh ! Actually, I haven't thought of that yet. Guess I'm getting used to this "fusion thing" as well !" They added with a wink. "But seriously, I'll tell you when I'll found one."

Logan nodded and put an end to this conversation ; he grabbed his book, awkwardly patted the fusion's arm and followed Virgil upstairs. They flopped onto the couch as soon as he disappeared from the livingroom, and stayed here, laying peacefully on their back. Five, ten, thirty minutes, just staring at the ceiling, their first pair of arms locked under their head as the other remained around themself.

"It's so weird to be here..." They mumbled, almost in a whisper.

"A bad weird or a good weird ?" The fusion answered to themself.

"A good weird. I'm so glad we exist." They paused, then started to giggle and hug themself tighter. "Damn, I'm so glad _I_ exist !"

Patton and Roman stayed fused a long, _long_ time after that. As much as they could.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a kudo if you liked it, and comments are always welcome  
> you can find me as woorenergy on Tumblr and Twitter ! I'd love to chat with you


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